Archive for the ‘Denise’ Category

« Older Entries

That time I had ball cancer – Part IV

Monday, November 30th, 2009

Surgery is done. Recovery from the surgery is mostly over. I am walking normal and have a nice scar to show. My wife was my personal nurse and dammit, she did a great job. Now for the fun part: treatment.

I met with the first of two Oncologists at a radiation/oncology office. Dr. Metz was nice. He came in and gave me, my wife and my mom the treatment options, numbers and all of the other information we questioned about or he had to give. We listened as he gave us all the options. He was however very focused on going the radiation route and with his numbers he gave us Denise and I thought we should go that route.

My mother however wasn’t impressed with the doctor. She thought he was a bit “unprepared”. We did ask him some questions that normal cancer patient didnt ask and he had to go find the information so my wife and I weren’t too phased by that. He did however give us information on chemotherapy but he wasn’t very detailed on it since he doesn’t give that type of treatment so we decided to go with radiation instead of chemo. Our main worry was anything that had to do with my being infertile after the radiation and chemo. Dr. Metz only knew the numbers and stats for radiation and they were so minimal that we just said we wouldn’t even deal with chemo.

The day after our appointment with Dr. Metz I got a call from the Hematology/Oncology clinic. They called to schedule an appointment with me. I had no idea that I was to meet with them but it turns out that my Urologist/Surgeon had set up the appointment so I could hear all my options for treatment. We obliged and had our appointment with the other oncologist Dr. Dibb and listened to what he had to say.Dr. Dibb was great. He was an elderly man, 50 or so and VERY schooled in the art of “the sell”. He came in and broke it down to us. He told us all about the chemotherapy and what to expect and all the side effects. He had charts, papers, research studies all printed out and ready for us to take home and read.

The thing that was different was when I asked him what he would do in my situation. See, doctors are just suppose to give options. Reason for this is all the malpractice suits and so forth. So they end up just giving options and letting the patient decide. Dr. Dibb was not that type of doctor. I sensed a “confident” attitude coming from him. It wasn’t that type of “I’m the shit, I know what I am talking about” kind of persona but that he was confident in the advice he was giving cause he had been doing it for years and probably had great results with patients that had taken his advice. He told us that the chemotherapy would be a “slam dunk” and not have any of the side affects that the radiation therapy would have.

He said we could go home and think it over and make our decision when we wanted but to also remember the sooner we made a decision the sooner I would be beating this cancer.

We left and went and had some breakfast at Black Bear. As we sat and waited for our Denver omlet and chicken strips we talked about the treatment. Well, it wasn’t really much of a talk it was me saying I am in favor of chemotherapy and Denise agreeing. That was that.

I went home later that afternoon and told the doctors office that we wanted to go with chemotherapy and they made my first appointment, December 1st. Exactly one month after I had been diagnosed with cancer.

So that brings us to today, November 30th, the day before I start my treatment. I am nervous, excited, scared and just lost. Nervous cause I don’t know what the hell to expect. Excited to get the treatment started and one step closer to being cancer free. Scared and lost mainly because of the unknowing of what is going to happen when this drug is inside me and working its magic.

I am ready. I am ready to get this started. I am ready to begin something new. I feel that I have been given a second chance at life and I am going to take that opportunity and make the most of it I can.

I will be updating about the chemotherapy. Might even take a few videos while I am getting treatment. Hell, you might even see some photos of me with no hair, if I lose it. We shall just see.

Too be continued….

Posted in About Me, Ball Cancer, Denise, Life | 3 Comments »

That time I had ball cancer – Part II

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

The day after our trip to the ER, Denise took the day off work and was by my side for my appointment with the Urologist. Dr. Martin, a calm and quiet man. However, very smart and easy to talk to. This is something I tend to look for in a doctor. I don’t want some dude in a white coat who gives me the details and then bails. I want “Patch Adams”. Dr. Martin is no “Patch Adams” but he is still easy to talk to and there for you for anything. More about that in the next entry.

As we were filling out paperwork I was given a cup to go and pee in. Normally this would be an easy task but for some reason peeing had become a little difficult. I could do it but it would just take time to “get ready”. I grabbed my cup and headed to the bathroom. I was suppose to pee in it and then place it behind the silver door. SIMPLE. Well, I waited for the elderly man who was in front of me to finish and then went in and did my business. No problem, it was easy. I finished up and opened the door and put my cup in the box. The thing that scared me was that the man that was in front of me. His pee was still in it’s cup and was waiting to be picked up. Well, it wasn’t pee. It was nothing but about a tablespoon of bright red blood. This scared the SHIT out of me. No, I wasn’t pissing blood but was this something that was going to happen to me?

I went back out to the waiting room and sat with Denise. Then the nurse came out, called my name and ushered us back to a room. She did the whole blood pressure, temp and all that other stuff. She jotted some notes down and then said the doctor would be in. Not a minute later Dr. Martin came in the room. He shook Denise’s hand and then mine. He sat down and then just asked “Jason…so what’s going on.” I gave my story and when I had finished he asked me to stand up and drop the pants so he could “take a look” at my testicles. I don’t know why I did it but I turned to Denise and said “Is that okay?” Why did I ask? I guess because she is my teammate in this situation and wanted to make sure. She laughed, I laughed and I think Dr. Martin did a little bit.

I dropped my pants and he began to exam. Again, a man was touching my junk. This was the third dude in 24 hours that had “examined” my balls. After he did a thorough exam he asked me to pull my pants up and he would be right back to look at the Ultrasound from the hospital with us. He was gone maybe long enough for me to get my pants on and then escorted us to his office. We sat down in front of a very nice HP flatscreen monitor and on the monitor was my two balls staring right back at us.

He showed us the normal teste and how it was just so calm and it looked at peace. Then he showed us the other one. It looked…well…not so happy. He showed us the normal part of the teste and then showed us the mass on the inside that was the tumor. He explained a lot to us in those minutes but all Denise and I heard was “tumor” and “cancer”. I know doctors do this a lot but I have to say it’s probably tough for them to have to tell a young couple this type of stuff. Not that it would be tough to tell an elderly couple but to have to tell a young couple that one of them has cancer…well I bet neither one of the situations is easy. He grabbed a box of tissues for Denise and I. I didn’t really need them at the moment, I was still in the mindset of “Okay, what do we have to do to eradicate this little bitch inside of me?”

We finished our meeting with the doctor, got everything set for the next day for the surgery and all I had to do was drink this “Vanilla Smoothie” stuff for the CT scan. I will tell you this: It was the furthest thing from vanilla and a smoothie. NASTY! Anyways, during this time Denise stepped outside to call her mom and talk to her. I stayed inside and drank my smoothie and then called my mom and told her we would stop by her office after all the scans and stuff.

I was called back inside for my chest X-Ray and that went fine. I have had my fair share of X-Ray’s in my life so I am pretty much a pro at it. The X-Ray tech saw that I was drinking my “smootie” and chuckled and made the comment that I should have asked for a different flavor. I doubt that would have helped. Unless it was made by Baskin & Robbins I think it would have still tasted like chalk mixed with cardboard and a hint of strawberry.

We went to my mom’s office and hugged a bit and then talked. No real tears, my mom was holding it together nice. I think she was trying to be strong in front of Denise and I and I thank her for that. We talked for a bit and then had to head back over to the Urologist’s office for the CT scan. I dressed down into a gown and got my IV all set up. The CT-tech told me that it wasn’t going to be loud like an MRI but the weird thing was going to be what they were going to inject in me to show up on the CT. I think it was a type of iodine or something but it gives you this HUGE thing resembling a hot flash. You almost feel like you are pissing yourself but you aren’t. It was actually kinda cool but I digress.

We finished up at the Urologist’s office and then headed home. I decided to go to my work and give them the news in person rather than in an email or a phone call. I arrived at work and asked my boss for a moment of his time. He said no problem and then I asked if I could shut the door. He knew then something was serious and told me to sit and he closed the door and sat down. I tried to give the story as best as I could to him but for some reason I seem to be all over the map. But then I mentioned the surgery and the tumor and he stopped me and said:

Boss: Jason…you take all the time you need. Your job will be here for you, don’t worry about that. You take all the time you need for you and your family. And if there is ANYTHING we can do to help, you just let us know.

I knew that he would understand the situation and he did. He told me that I was in his prayers and shook my hand and said that everything was going to be okay because he knew that I was a “strong individual”. I like my boss but I didn’t think he knew that much about me. Guess I was wrong. Thanks Marcelo.

I headed back home after talking with a few co-workers and got home just in time to get some lunch with Denise. I don’t remember what we ate but I do know that we had a good talk during lunch. That afternoon was mostly spent laying on the couch and trying to manage the pain I was in. Denise and I watched the episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia called “Charlie Gets Cancer”. I think we did it to just get a laugh but to also get a laugh at the situation. If any of you have ever seen the show or the episode you will TOTALLY understand.

We went to bed that night calm and peaceful. She laid her head on my chest and I rubbed her back and we both drifted off to sleep. We weren’t worrying or letting any of the info we had learned that day ruin our day. We were with each other and that’s all we needed to make both of us feel better. Even with the pain, I haven’t slept that good in a long time.

Too be continued….

Posted in About Me, Ball Cancer, Denise | 3 Comments »

That time I had ball cancer – Part I

Friday, November 6th, 2009

I am not a phenomenal writer like my wife Denise but I am going to try and use my blog as way to get some of the jumbled shit that is going on in my head out and at the same time get some awareness out there about the subject of Testicular Cancer. If you don’t like the words testicle, balls, nuts, junk or any other word used for the male genitalia you might not want to read further because this entry is going to be FULL of references to my nuts (well, nut).Sunday morning was like any other morning. Denise and I woke up after having a fun evening at a friends Halloween party. No major drinking or anything but just a good time. Oh, and the Ducks had beat USC the previous day and so I was still on the high from that. We were trying to figure out what to have for breakfast and if I remember correctly we went with Eggs and Bacon. Anyways, we had breakfast and were planning on going to see a movie that afternoon.

I started to feel a little crampy in my stomach. It felt like what Denise and I have diagnosed as “poo cramps”. You know those cramps you have when you know you have to have a HUGE bowel movement…well that’s what it felt like. She went to the store, grabbed a laxative for me and we thought nothing more of it.

Two hours later it was worse. It started to become more of an achy pain (not related to “achy breaky heart” pain) that I didn’t feel comfortable with. I took some tylenol and laid on the couch and watched some “Ace of Cakes” hoping that would help. DAMMIT, it didn’t. I then decided to take a shower to just relax and take it easy. I am one of those people that when I am in the shower I like to lay down and always have been that way. I sat down in the shower and noticed that my left testicle was hitting the floor of the shower when sitting which normally doesn’t happen. And just like Dr. Holmes I decided to investigate. Turns out that my left nut was HUGE and very hard and sensitive to the touch. This was FAR from normal.

I got out of the shower and examined myself more in the mirror noticed the size difference was something that just wasn’t right. I told my wife and we immediately went to the ER. I didn’t even have to tell her which ER to go to…she knew.We arrived at the ER and checked myself in. The lady that entered all my information into the computer reminded me of that clown from the movie “SPAWN” but minus all the makeup. She asked me “On a scale from 1 to 10, how is your pain now…with 10 being the worst”. Well, I quoted her a nice “9″ while bent over in pain. She said due to the pain I would be moved up in front of “some people” and would get seen quicker. These “people” that I was being put in front of were the people being OVER dramatic about the swine flu. I am talking the ones that throw anti-bacterial gel on door handles while wearing a mask around the ER. Yeah, so I got pushed in front of “those” people.

We waited our turn, just chatting and talking and trying to keep my mind off the pain. I am gonna say this up front so EVERYONE reading this knows: My wife, Denise Steele, is the best wife in the world. In the last week she has been my nurse, pharmacist, shoulder to cry on, confidant and she has been there for to do ANYTHING I needed. She is a trooper and I am forever grateful to her for her support, compassion and love that she has shown me during this time. I don’t know what I would do without her. Denise, you are my rock. I love you very much.

Okay, so we waited and waited. There were two trauma’s that came to the hospital and those take priority. Well, 2 1/2 hours later my name was called and Denise jumped up and exclaimed “RIGHT HERE!” and began to wheel me back to the room. We probably waited for only 5 minutes and then the doctor came in. Dr. Juarez came in and asked the typical questions and then asked to see my balls. At first I was nervous but figured I gotta let him see them so he can find out what’s wrong. He squeezed, poked and gently felt my balls. Yes, both of them. You gotta have a “control group”.

After that he said they were going to do an Ultrasound to see what exactly was going on. They wheeled me to the Ultrasound room and man was it warm in there. it was also very calm and just a nice room to have you nuts hanging out and have some gel put on them and have them photographed. The Ultrasound tech did her thing and showed us some photos of what she had taken but was in no way making a diagnosis. But she did say that my left nut was “3 times the size” of the right one. That to me didn’t sound good. But as the doctor had told us the testicle could have gotten an infection or gotten twisted, cutting of the circulation to the testicle and causing the pain. So we were hopeful it was something like that.

They wheeled me back to my ER room and about 3 minutes later Dr. Juarez came back. He sat down and said that he had scheduled an appointment with a Urologist the next morning and he would discuss with me further treatment options after surgery and that chemo and radiation might be something I would have to consider.

Uh huh….WAIT. WHAT THE F**K DID YOU SAY? I am sorry, did I hear the word “surgery”? Yes, we did hear the word surgery and all those other scary words.

He gave me some pain meds for the night to get me through till the next day and all my information on my appointment and some other pamphlets/photo copies of some info on Testicular Cancer.

We checked out of the hospital and as we were walking to the car I called my mom. I love my mom to death but she is someone that likes to worry. It’s just who she is. We decided not to call her when we got to the ER until we knew something more. Well, we did know something more and figured it was time to give her a ring.

That is a phone call that I wish I never had to have made. This is pretty much how the conversation went:

Mom: Hi Jason
Jason: Hi mom.
Mom: What’s wrong?
Jason: Well, we just left the ER…
Mom: WHAT’S WRONG? (not yelling but very stern)

I then told her the story and she immediately began to weep. I told her that we don’t know anything beyond what we know now so there is no reason to worry and we have to be strong. She promised me she would and after a few more minutes we said goodbye and that we would talk the next day. However, the way my mom said “I love you” that night on the phone brought me to tears. It is not a phone call that I wish anyone ever has to make.

My wife and I had found out so much information in the last 5 hours that we were just overwhelmed and decided to go home and watch the most recent episode of “Chelsea Lately” and get a good laugh before bed.

We laid down that night not knowing what to expect the next morning but told each other that I was going to be fine and that hopefully the doctor would have some good news. We just didn’t know.

To be continued…

Posted in Ball Cancer, Denise, Family | 8 Comments »

Sleepless night

Friday, January 4th, 2008

So I can’t sleep.  This happens to us all and we all know that feeling.  I thought I was tired and then BAM nothin.  Not even like that half fall asleep where you think you can make and then you don’t.  Nope, not even that.  I just lay there in bed with Denise beside me (already about 1/2 the way to dreamland).

Things in the last week or so have been interesting.  Christmas came and went.  It was a nutty, crazy and action-packed 4 days in Bend with all of my family there.  We announced to everyone that Denise and I were now engaged and everyone gave us nothing but warm congrats, hugs and kisses.  I think the best was when my aunt just hugged Denise and stated:  I knew it.  I just knew it.

I got to meet my mom’s new boyfriend, Paul.  He ended up meeting all of us in a giant “baptism” of family cheer.  Well, it was more like laughing and yelling like we always do but I do have to tell you that we all were in fine form this holiday season.

Denise and I were total hits with my cousin Tracie’s two girls (Paige and Landree) and also found my cousin Kevin’s lil’ boy (Findley) to be one cool little man.  Nothing like having a two year old come up to you and hold out his clenched fist, waiting for you to give him “bumps”.  Also his “Peace out dude” was quite entertaining.

All in all Christmas was amazing, Denise and I are engaged and life is pretty damn okay.

The engagement was one of my delights of this last year.  I don’t think I will ever escape the story of what I said when I asked her.

Jason:  “So….”

Denise:  “So what?!”

Jason:  “Will ya?”

Yeah, I lost complete control of all my mouth and brain functions at the same time.  Perfect.

Posted in Conversations, Denise, Family, Funny As Hell! | 4 Comments »

You know him…don’t you?!

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

6:15 a.m.
While walking into the dark bedroom, Denise turns on the bathroom light. I wake up and speak.

Jason: “Peter’s grandma has powers too.”
Denise: “Who?!”
Jason: “Peter Petrelli.”
Denise: “What are you talking about?”
Jason: “From HEROES.”
Denise: “Huh?”

Jason proceeds to fall back asleep leaving his girlfriend wondering what the hell he dreams about and why Peter Petrelli was in it.

fin’

Posted in Conversations, Denise, Funny As Hell!, Random | 2 Comments »

« Older Entries