I blog, you read.

So we all know it. It’s inevitable. It’s just a matter of time before it happens.

With all the Google Images, Groups, Webs, Maps and so forth it’s just a matter of time before Google takes over the planet. Here are my steps that I think will happen just before we are sitting in our living room with a big TV on and the big “Google” logo on it and then we hear someone scream from the screen “Get up, it’s time for our two minute HATE!” Here are the big things to watch out for:

- Google ends up installing a chip in our heads that allows us to “Google” things we think of, see, hear, taste and people we meet.

- Bill Gates and Steve Jobs bow down before the Google headquarters screaming “We’re not worthy. We’re NOT WORTHY!”

- Al Gore will be drawn and quartered for heresy with his speech that will forever be known as the “I created GOOGLE!” speech.

- Kim Jong Ill will try to purchase Google only to have Google’s CEO shoot lightning from his fingertips while yelling “UNLIMITED POWER!” (had to throw a Star Wars joke in somewhere)

- Our Google screens in our houses will be constantly back and forth telling us whether we are at war with “Eurasia” or “East Asia”.

- Jay Leno will be digitized and available on Google and finally . . . for once . . . he will be funny.

- Kirstie Alley will be put to death for trying to EAT Google.

- The rainbow flag will no longer stand for “Gay pride” but will be replaced by “Google Pride”.

- Every conversation you have will be saved by Google TV’s around the world and will have “hot links” to other peoples conversatons. Paris Hilton will be one of the most linked people.

- Much like 1984, there will be a mandatory “Two Minute Hate” where we the people of Google will yell hate-speech at screens showing photos of and .

So watch for these steps and if they start to come true grab the kids and head for the hills just like all the boys that were part of the WOLVERINES! in the movie “Red Dawn”.

*all information in this entry was found doing a Google search*

P.S. Kitson is the SHIT SON!

A lot of the time people wonder if I am gay, not sure why but they do. I have nothing against people being gay but I always wonder why they think I am. Maybe it’s cause I am a good dancer, guess I will never know. . . .

I do however have one more thing to add to the list of why I am NOT gay: very bad gag reflex.

I was brushing my teeth the other morning and decided to brush my tongue. Good idea, bacteria is there and bad breath starts there. Well, I got about halfway back on my tongue and almost threw up my toast and raspberry jam breakfast. I thought “Wow, that sucked. Let’s try again.” Second time: even closer to vomiting had to abort my mission.

So yet again another reason. Now you might be asking “Why does that matter?” Well, I guess you don’t get out that often or maybe you are a very “conservative” person in relationships. If you need more information on why this matters check out this site and it may give you some insight.

My friend Chris and I were talking about his “Poetry Slam” that went down this last week and a funny story came up.

I guess one of the poets decided to mention the word “penis” in her poem. Penis. Not a big deal, right?! WRONG!

Some other girl that was there competing in the SLAM was offended by the word PENIS being spoken so vulgurly and in her presense none the less! The continuing part of this story is the young girl that was offended works at a local grocery store . . . let’s call it Market of C. No, too obvious . . . M. of Choice. That’s better. Well, she works there and is a bagger, shit I keep forgetting to be more P.C. . . . she is a “courtesy clerk” there. Anyways, the young girl ended up confronting the lady at her work saying that she was “offended and didn’t like hearing that word in public”.

Okay here is what is wrong with this whole damn situation. I would say it’s totally fucked up but then some hippie would get mad at me (even though they shouldn’t be reading this blog, it’s bad for their complexion). So let’s say the situation is totally “To-fucked up”! (you know, like Tofurkey, hahahaha)

I am shocked and OFFENDED that this girl is offended. I mean seriously . . . PENIS ! PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS (I hope she is reading this) PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS! If that word offends you then you are going to have a tough time when you grow up and have kids (it’s kind of an intricate part of the process).

I just think it’s funny that in a town like Ashland someone can get offended by the word PENIS ! I thought they were suppose to be all open-minded and shit out here. Guess I was wrong.

PENIS, god I hope she reads this.

As I sit here writing I am just lounging at home, taking it easy on a this wonderful Sunday afternoon. Your mind starts to think up weird things when you have too much time on your hands. Here is the list I have already thought of today.

1. Why don’t they make bagels as small as the ones you get with “Bagle Bites” pizzas?
2. Who decided to put vanilla in Pepsi. I want to meet him . . . . then kick him in the neck.
3. Should I get a second job working at 7-11?

And the last one was spawned by a news story I saw this morning while cooking some eggs.

4. Why do we need cell phones that you can talk to and have it write out a text message using voice recognition? You are talking to your phone to write someone a text! Just fucking dial their number and TALK TO THEM! Why can’t we go back to the days when cell phones were just CELL PHONES!

Oh Zach Morris, how I wish I lived in your world.